Is Exercise Killing Us All?

Yes. Yes it is. Exercise is morally reprehensible. When you exercise, you consume a drastically increased amount of oxygen (the thing we all need) and expel tons of carbon dioxide (the bad stuff). Exercise contributes to global warming and is killing the planet (thanks fitness jerks). They’re basically poisoning the earth during their wind sprints and burpees (I hope that single-digit body fat percentage and rock-hard abs are worth it, you tool!).

Despite the above paragraph, I don’t think all people who exercise are bad, far from it. Well, not far from it. I actually pity them in a way, and not just for their assumed physical insecurities and probable lack of self worth. I pity them because one day they will understand how many lives they’ve ruined with their ignorance. I don’t envy anyone on that day.

Please keep an eye out for my next article: Why Writers are Actually Hotter than Athletes

18 thoughts on “Is Exercise Killing Us All?”

  1. Reblogged this on Mitch Teemley and commented:
    My Featured Blogger this week is K.J. Hanson of the somewhat unimaginatively named KJHansonStories.com. K.J.’s writing, on the other hand, is bursting with imagination and humor. I know literally nothing about the guy except that he must have difficulty swallowing since his tongue is perpetually in his cheek. In other words, K.J. is a very witty fellow. Visit him and you’ll see. And who knows, maybe he’ll even tell you what K.J. stands for.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Mitch! Thank you very much for the kind words and for sharing my ridiculous stories. I’ll be sure to let everyone know what K.J. stands for some day, just as soon as my parents tell me what it stands for.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Got a good laugh out of this! I knew there was something scary about exercise. Glad that I found your blog through Mitch’s reblog.
    I love writing too. Stories and humor make my day. Looking forward to reading more. Laughter is my kind of exercise. 😉Good for the heart!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Loved this, I’m on my phone and can’t find the button to follow your blog. I’m a writer and love my fitness so I need to read your next post to see which cap I should be wearing 😊😂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hey, KJ. For years I’ve had a love/hate relationship with exercise. Back when step aerobics was all the rage I went out and bought a few little spandex outfits, tights and leg warmers. Why? Because I thought I looked like Farrah Fawcett (which I did not) and because I loved to dance. Since my husband did not dance, this was my escape and it was strictly for fun and definitely not exercise. Then one day I went to the auditorium at St. Thomas Church to “dance” and the door was locked with a note stating step aerobics would no longer be held there and the instructor would be in touch. Well, I never heard from her after that; I think she’s in the witness protection program but that’s just my opinion. Anyway, I thought I’d try a local gym. There were lots of other women wearing spandex, tights and legwarmers so it had to be a lot like aerobics. It wasn’t. If was awful, I was in pain for a week afterwards and I’ve never been the same since then. That’s when I, too, realized that writers are actually hotter that athletes and I became a writer. By the way, I think KJ stands for Ken Jennings or Kendall Jenner. Am I right?? Hope you’re laughing cos I laughed at your stuff and it would be so embarrassing to know only one of us was laughing. Looking forward to reading more from you which I will do while definitely not exercising! 🙋🏼‍♀️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Nancy. This reply was wonderful and definitely made me laugh! As for the guesses, you’re actually super close, you’ve got the K and the J right for sure. Some of the other letters might be right too—I’d have to double-check. Anyway, pro tip: Workout clothes are very comfortable to write in!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, after careful consideration (not really), I’ve decided K.J. stands for Kerouac Jack. I know it sounds a bit like a pirate but its as cool a name backwards as it is forwards. You can’t say that about too many names, except maybe Depp Johnny or Jagger Mick. Yeah, those are cool. 😎

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Don’t sell yourself short on the cool backwards and forwards names, Richy Nancy sounds pretty rad! Kerouac Jack is a pretty good guess. So far, however, the closest guess has been Kanye Jest, which personally, I might change it to.

        Liked by 1 person

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