Look, this thing’s gotten way out of hand. I just like green, okay? I don’t dress head to toe in green and wear curly elf shoes or a green top hat. I don’t even like hats. I have great hair. People say so all the time. And before you ask. No, it’s not red. Some of us have red hair. Some don’t. I don’t—it’s copper.

Another thing. The accents. Stop. No one is trying to “Steal me lucky charms.” What do you think, we’re a merry crew of Irish pirates? Maybe we are what you would call Irish since we live in the country called Ireland, but we were here long before the Celts or those smarmy Brits showed up. 

Speaking of which, that bunch of chimney sweeps to the south is real big on reducing anything and anyone to a stereotype, aren’t they? Fine, yeah, there was one pot of gold that one time. Honestly, it belonged to the whole village and it was a pure coincidence that it just happened to be by a rainbow. Well, not pure coincidence—we like rainbows, okay? Sue us. But don’t actually sue us, they already stole all of our gold and pretty much all of our island, so, uh, yeah. People have gotten enough from us.

What else? Oh… We’re not that short! We’re the height that best suits us—around 5’1 to 5’3 ½ , does that sound short to you?

Sincerely,

Leprechauns everywhere